Know Your Why

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This week was a rough one as we lost our little Princess, Isabella. I absolutely loved Bella. Bella was so beautiful. I loved holding her, her head fit perfectly right on my chest. I would hold her hand and talk to her. Bella would smile back at me. She was perfect. I remember the first day I met Bella and her parents. They welcomed me in and I stayed for over an hour talking and playing with Bella. I fell in love with her. How could you not? Bella’s parents were so incredible I had felt like I had known them forever. Over the next couple months I became closer with Bella and her parents Peggy and Chris. Peggy and Chris have truly showed me the meaning of unconditional love. They were so loving, understanding, accepting, thoughtful, and full of fight for their little girl. In a world that is often so imperfect they showed me perfection. They represented fierce hope and love. I am a better person because of them. I can only hope that one day I can be half the parent that Peggy and Chris are.

Lately, people have been questioning and asking why I get so close to these children knowing they may only have a little more time here on earth. I laugh. I laugh because they have obviously never met these beautiful and brave souls. They have never snuggled Bella, or looked into Jake’s beautiful blue eyes. These people have never watched my Superstar kids laugh and smile. They have never held their hands and hugged them tight. They have never visited them in the hospital or laid on the floor and played ninja turtles with them. They have never had the honor of meeting these Superstars. These miracles.

Loving these brave and beautiful children are worth every fear I have of losing them, they are worth every tear I will cry and every moment of hurt. I am not going to hold back because I am scared to lose them. I will love them all unconditionally with all that I am. I will enjoy every second with them and forever cherish those moments because they are worth it all. I am lucky and blessed to have had the time I did with Bella and Jake. After Jake I promised I would live each day to the fullest for him and all the other children who have gone to heaven too soon. I told myself I would do this by continuing to bring happiness to more children in Jake’s name, as I will Bella’s. Everyday, I will strive to do better and bring smiles to more children.

For those people asking how I can do this take a moment to not shy away from a child battling an illness but to let them in. Love them with all that you have. You will see that the time you spend with them and the love you share will be the greatest gift. Those moments spent together will change your live forever and make you a better person. The miracle is getting to spend one moment with them.

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